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Life Coach Tips
Managing Toxic People
We all have them in our lives. People who exude negativity and drain us of our energy. Some of them we love and some of them not so much. Either way we have to tolerate many of them in our lives. The ones we don’t, I highly implore you to remove as quickly as possible. Life coaching is often a difficult position to be in. You have to be brutally honest with your clients, and at the same time nurturing and supportive. Helping them manage the people in their lives is one of those sticky subjects that often times leads to a bit of a battle. There are two categories of people involved in this specific conundrum. The ones you can get rid of, and the ones you cannot. Let’s start with the easy ones for now.
The ones you cannot get rid of in my eyes are actually the easy ones. Like your boss, or co-worker, or even family member that you have to see during gatherings and functions. Now I know this seems counter-intuitive, but these really are the easy ones. You have no choice in the matter. Sure, you can eventually quit your job or just not go to that family function but ultimately you are forced to be around these people, and you have to face it. Life coaching is about finding you happiness. These people are working against you to steal your happiness or their presence is just draining. Your attitude and mindset are you weapons in this battle. First off you can do your best to avoid interaction, which in these situations, I highly recommend. There are going to be times though when you have no choice. This is where your ability to control you mind and let negativity roll off your shoulders comes in. Life is all about flow and positive energy. If you let someone else get the best of you that is really your problem, not theirs. We tend to look to blame others, but the real solution is to take full responsibility for yourself and your emotions. Your feelings are yours. Nobody can make you feel any way other than how you choose. This is you being in control of your emotions and essentially in control of your life.
Now let’s look at the difficult people in our lives. The ones that we actually can choose to cut out. I know this is a tricky subject. Some people are very difficult to remove, like partners, children, best friends, parents, etc. The ones that you just can’t find the heart to eliminate from your life we will keep in category one, the rest we will discuss how to see them for who they truly are, assess their value, and eventually get them out for good. Hopefully you will start to see that even some of the closest people to you are not always good for you and you do have a choice to remove them from your life. My goal is not to get you cutting everyone out, my goal is to get you to see that with really toxic people, this is an option, no matter how close they are to you!
Throughout my life I have had to remove many people. From my childhood friends, to my fiancé, and even my own mother. Now remember one thing. Cutting someone out doesn’t’ mean they have to be gone forever. You can always choose to give it another shot down the road, but for right now you are making the choice that is best for your life. Once we start vibrating at a higher frequency, we are no longer going to connect with people who have not taken that leap to the next level. This doesn’t make you better than them, or them less than you. This just means that you are not operating at the same level. Over time we often just grow apart, and it becomes time to move on. Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever. See this is where I think we get stuck. We hold onto relationships that are not serving either of us and by postponing the inevitable, we create toxicity and unhealthy interactions.
Growing into the person you desire to be means either leaving people you love behind or limiting your interaction with them. It’s just the way it is. Fighting it is the real problem, not the people themselves. Many times, when I talk to my life coaching clients and we discuss relationships, they will tell me that the relationship they ended recently was over years ago. My question is always the same, why did you wait so long. The answers are all different. Some fear, some loneliness, some laziness, and especially attachment. As humans we are social creatures and we are attached to the people around us. We are born codependent on another human being and develop dependency as we grow into adulthood. This is part of our DNA and fighting against it is not easy. We have a choice though, we actually have two. We can choose how the people in our lives affect us, and we can also choose who we keep in our lives. Everyone’s experience has its own unique set of circumstances. Just know that our lives are meant to be lived fully with as much peace and happiness as we can create. You have the choice who you keep in your life. Don’t forget that is an option!
Marc Longwith Consultants
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